the lonely road

Walking home in the rain. Red sunset feeling more and more aware of the of the growing fear.
The fear and anxiety which i can't explain just being there tormenting my mind.
I should be everything but alone right now...

the evening has not been to an advantage, rather just reminding me of the shallow life we live.
people you meet, smile and then you walk on. The smile is growing heavy.. i was not able to keep my act and people started seeing that i was down. Making it a spiral just pushing me further down.
Dissapointed, sad and lonely.
having many friends around just feeling like im having none.
If i went away it would all go away.
Is this just a sign of having the need for recognition?
thoughts that just scares me are coming back.. What if i would just leave, not in the sence of moving but in the sense of faltering to the needs i feel inside. Would it make things better?

Contemplating and staggering on what everything is worth.
I already know im not ready but moving closer and closer to the edge.

That final push might come soon.. And knowing that i cant but the responsibility on anyone else is just making things worse. There is no one who can fix this but me.
I need help..

wont someone just help me.
say the things i need to hear.
I know what words i need to hear, why can't i have someone say them now so that i
can go to bed and fall asleep knowing there is something to look forward to, somthing that
will motivate me.

well enough of this..